Came across this site selling Balloon Lamps designed by Kyouei available at Designboom. Seriously, that will be my biggest nightmare ever if Scarlett were to ask me for one of these in her room. Can't imagine them bursting one after another night after night.

Every morning, I will pick up some local newspaper (both Chinese and English) for free outside the train station. I don't usually read them much and they were meant for my colleague, my husband and my domestic helper. These papers add on a lot of weight to my already-very-heavy-even-when-empty-stupid Gucci tote bag every evening when I head home. Thus, I have decided to give them a good read lately.

A short column under Parental Care, which was written by a psychiatrist, caught my attention and has brought enlightenment to me as I was walking my way to work this morning. It was a conversation between the psychiatrist and a very bright 16 year old girl who scored with flying colours for her O Levels. She told the psychiatrist she felt lost and doesn't understand what is the purpose of such fantastic results and has no motivation to decide what is next for herself.

Psychiatrist asked her if she wants to be a sheep or a person and the bright girl thought for a little while and replied that she understood the question now and wants to be a person instead of a sheep. A person who can THINK and be able to figure out her question and find the real answer to her question. The psychiatrist described SHEEP being clone-like, wearing and carrying luxury brands, having similar hair style, similar make up and sometimes even similar facial expressions. The moral of this whole article reflects the fact that the society has subconsciously turned us all into sheep.

It is NORMAL for this girl to pick a famous and prestigious college that will cost her parents a bomb, so that she will be able to get into yet another famous and prestigious university which will cost her parents another huge bomb. In return, she lands herself a supposedly GOOD CAREER whereby she works 24/7, makes lots of money, envy by all her other friends, pays off all her eduction debts and lives luxury life. If fortunate enough, marries a rich man and start another brood of bright and intelligent kids, sending them to famous and prestigious school and then the whole cycle goes on. That is the way is, isn't it?

Well, at least that was what I have been believing all these years. As I grow older, I get more frustrated than ever and constantly asked myself why didn't I work harder when I was young and perhaps I could be a lawyer or a banker, then my LIFE will be so much better here! I am even beginning to question my capabilities, looking down at what I have been doing and achieving. I keep feeling that I have underachieved and I really wish this feeling can go away. Very often, I picked jobs based on the kind of money I get rewarded and simply sucked up to the job and hate them as much as I could and eventually walked away. I am an opportunist, hopping from one job to another for more money. It sucks.

Money has been the driven force behind my hard work these couple of years and it wasn't something genuinely from my heart. Along the way, I lost my passion and interest in life because all my focus was on the amount of money I can make. I always start to make calculations on how I can allocate my income every month once I get a new job offer with more money. Slowly, I have lost the will to enjoy what I can do best and the will to actually do something for myself, seriously for myself. It was for the kind of lifestyle I want, the flat/car I can afford, the domestic helper I need and a lot more but never actually for MYSELF! What about myself? What do I really want to do? Honestly speaking, after all these years, I have forgotten and don't know anymore.

After reading this article, I am glad a 16 year old can realise this while it took me 34 years to do so. So tonight, I shall tuck up my pillow (as the old Cantonese saying) and have a really good think about it.

I cut out the article and will stick it on this little journal which I am starting on for Scarlett. I will give her the journal when she is old enough to read.